What does saying “I love you” entail? Do you say those words when you feel butterflies in your stomach? Or when the person fills your mind all day? Maybe.. it’s a case where you feel obliged to say it back?
More importantly, it leads on to the next question. What is love? The internet is filled with articles on their definition of love, but just because you nod off fervently to the checklists do not mean that you should start jumping around congratulating yourself.
Why? Because then, you will be constrained by what others define love as.
When people think of love, they usually think of the sappy love story “The Notebook”. Well, I do too.
That’s the thing about Hollywood films. It makes you go “Awwww.. I want that for myself” but the movies do not depict the difficulty of a relationship on a day-to-day basis. It portrays love as a feeling that will last a lifetime… but will it really?
My idea of love was based on the feeling of wanting to be with this person for the rest of my life. As with Buddhism’s view that all things are impermanent, the feeling of wanting to be with this person comes and goes. Some days you want this person real bad, others you wished they would get out of your face. So today, I realise that is not enough. Feelings are not enough.
Love, instead, is commitment. It is all encompassing. That is the reason why all the articles on love point in different directions. Today, my definition of love is trying to be best person that you can be. More importantly, it is going past your natural tendencies just so you won’t hurt your partner.
My problem is I am afraid of getting hurt. Each time when a disagreement arises, I turn away hoping it will resolve on its own. I walked away 3 times from my ideal partner, expecting him to magically change each time instead of helping him deal with it. I failed him. “Cause and Effect”- I contributed to the cause and now I have to bear the consequences. At the end of the day, it is better to let him go because that is what love is too, letting go when you know deep down that it is the best option for him.
And now, I have to change. I have to stop giving up so easily and fight as hard as I can. I have to be more thoughtful and caring.
Everyone’s definition of love is different. Everyone expresses love in different ways. Hence, it is important to understand ourselves better to come up with our own definition of what love is. However, while you do that, don’t let others’ opinion of what love is affect yours. I made that mistake. I was swayed by someone’s view on love and tried to fit that into mine.
So start questioning and finding your definition of love… today.
If you are looking for words of wisdom, this is what I can offer:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.”
-1 Corinthians 13:4
Good luck, my dear readers.