Angry and disappointed….. not.

I haven’t been able to concentrate much at work for the last month because of the “TE” It was a long and tedious process that took a whole lot out of me. I was distracted and couldn’t concentrate at work.

At the end of it all, I didn’t have enough experience. Really, couldn’t they have told me before making me go through all that?

It is upsetting. The disappointment, numbing. The alcohol yesterday didn’t help. Though I didn’t have much, it amplified my frustration. I thought I had it in me to control and stop the negative thoughts but it turned out contrary to my belief. Literally, I felt the flood gates burst. Rather than rehash the unpleasant feelings, I’ll summarise with “drink little and only when you are happy.”

I thought this was going to be my break out of all the nonsense around me. 2 years of this, I thought enough was enough. I was happy thinking I could finally put down this baggage.

Well, since I see myself sticking around, I better start psyching myself again. Yay to the new challenges ahead I guess. Each hurdle presents another opportunity for me to grow…

“This too shall pass.” ~Holy Bible: King James Version

“Everything is possible for him who believes” ~Holy Bible: King James Version

It’s funny that the Bible quotes speak to me now.

Well, one thing positive about this experience is that I realise the possibilities are endless. At this point, I’m considering doing a masters in communications in NTU or SMU, which is great since I like to learn and improve. There’s also the option of pursuing it overseas or even going into something that creates more value than finance, such as working for a non-profit organisation, LIEN foundation… maybe?

Life is like of a “weighted probability tree” diagram.

Yes you have many choices but there are some choices that you are more likely to take than others.

The endless possiblities are comforting. But both you and I know what I’m more inclined towards.

I’ll stick with comforting for today. And I must not allow myself to be so vulnerable to negative thoughts in future.


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