Figured it out.

Too many. I have come across too many stories lately on love gone wrong. Someone I know was struck by her bf in public and she fell to the ground due to the impact. Another has to deal with a guy who has bipolar disorder (he calls her whenever he feels like it and ignores her for the rest of the time) and even one who has to deal with a complicated character…… too many to list.

All these are happening to sweet nice beautiful intelligent girls around me. Why is this happening? It’s upsetting because I care for them. It sucks to know that they are aware that they are being manipulated, yet are still pinning for these terrible men.

For a while, I have been reserving my judgements on all these instances. It’s always very easy to have an opinion when it’s not your life. Moreover, I feel I don’t have the right to judge or comment, for I am flawed too. But when it happens to a few people close to me within such a short period of time, it is hard to ignore the feeling of helplessness.

It’s not as easy as saying “hey babe, walk away.” The psychological games that these men play, is scary. They are deluded about their own life goals and are too self-centred to care about the impact they have on others.

I sincerely hope with all my heart, with all the compassion that I can muster, that they will be able to walk away and into the arms of someone more deserving of their love.

I’ve been pondering about why relationships fail and I concluded that it must be because we are too self-centred. We are disappointed because our partner did not meet our expections. Instead of focusing on what is best for the other, we immerse in feeling sorry for ourselves that we fail to see the big picture. There will always be 2 self-centred parties. One who feels they were “wronged” and the other is simply too self-absorbed to realise the unhappiness they are causing the other.

There’s really no easy way out to this. The only solution is communication. They always say “Marry your best friend.” I guess this is the reason why. Instead of bottling up the issue, we should learn to communicate our unhappiness in a light tone. Conversely, the other party should not trivalise the grievances but exercise patience and express commitment to improve the situation.

I guess I figured things out. Again, it’s so easy to discuss the “theory” aspect of it but takes on a whole new meaning when it happens.

I’m known to withdraw into my shell when I’m upset. Poof, I disappear. I guess, I will try to improve that side of me. As much as I hate to talk about what is upsetting me, I will make the effort to communicate for the better of the relationship. There are exceptions. There are some lines that I draw very clearly. Once those “barriers” are breached, my self-protection mechanism will kick in and as difficult as it is, I will distance myself from the person. There will be no turning back from there. Communication is not necessary beyond that point.


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