The hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life

is to be a mom.
I’m a mom of 11 month old twin girls
I love my babies dearly, at the same time, being a mom is a huge challenge for me everyday. I’m staying at home taking care of the girls now and it’s just tough. The girls cry a lot especially when they are about to sleep for the night. Listening to them cry just tears me apart. Everyday is another cry fest.

I have accepted the fact that i have to give up all parts of me now that i am a mom.
Who am i?
This is a question that i have been asking myself.
And i guess, the answer now is that I am a mom of Rui Yan and Rui Ning.
I wish i could say that i absolutely love being at home… that i absolutely love being a mom. But the truth is.. sometimes i do, sometimes i dont.
Does being a mom mean that i have to give up everything that was me before?
It certainly feels so.
No, i don’t resent it, i just wonder where i’m headed. Then again, maybe i’m not meant to head anywhere. Maybe there’s no need to head anywhere.


This blog is alive again. For now.

Hey everyone, just thought of writing a new post after a long hiatus.

Decided to just drop by to say hi because I was trying to work out how to get myself google certified and the website says I need a blog of some sorts.. so here I am! I am not quite sure if this is the type of blog that they are referring to but this would work for now.

Also, I realised that I have been getting visitors around the world to my non-existent site for the last few years! Why.. HELLOOO THERE! 😀 Sweet to check in on my site, apologies if it hasn’t been the most exciting.

Well, life’s been so amazing these couple of years and I feel so blessed everyday.

I learnt that you can be as blessed as you want to, as long as you tell yourself you are… haha.. and it becomes a cycle.

I tell myself I am blessed,

I choose to see the wonderful things that are happening in my life… and

Viola! I feel blessed.

Lots to update actually, but this will do for now.

Check in again some time!


The beauty of music

Music heightens emotional senses. It soothes your soul after a busy day, it gets you all excited after some drinks, it accompanies you on a lonely rainy night, it puts a smile on your already gorgeous day- the beauty of music.

It’s amazing how musicians are able to create wonderful pieces/songs from just a few notes.

Eventually, when someone does propose to me, I hope there’ll be a romantic song playing in the background to round up the magical moment.

A refuge within yourself

“Now we tend to think these bodies are pretty, delightful, long lasting and strong. We tend to think that we will  never age, sicken, or die. We are charmed and fooled, and we are ignorant of the true refuge within ourselves. The true refuge is the mind.

So the Buddha said to find your refuge. That means find your real heart. This heart is very important. People don’t usually look at important things; they spend most of their time with unimportant things. For example, when they do their housecleaning they may be bent on sweeping the floors, washing the dishes, and so on, but they fail to notice their own hearts. Their heart may be rotten, they may be feeling angry, and they’re washing the dishes wearing a sour expression. This is what I call “taking a temporary shelter for a refuge.” They beautify house and home, but they don’t think of beautifying their own hearts. They don’t examine suffering. Who else can be your refuge? The true refuge is the heart, nothing else. You may try to depend on other things, but they aren’t dependable. You can only really depend on other things if you already have a refuge within yourself.

So please consider this teaching. Ask yourselves “Who am I? Why am I here? Why was I born?” Some people don’t know. They want to be happy, but the suffering never stops. Rich or poor, young or old, they suffer just the same. It’s all suffering. And why? Because they have no wisdom. The poor are unhappy because they don’t have enough, and the rich are unhappy because they have too much.”

– Food for the Heart, The Collected Teachings of Ajahn Chah

My dream wedding gown

Been fantasizing about my wedding gown recently and I decided that I’ll like to go with…

“Elegant and simple”

Here it is….