Bring it on.. fucking assholes

I’m sick and tired of being verbally, emotionally and mentally abused at my work place. Today is one of the days i’m fucking sick of all these shit. Screw you fucking assholes.

This tiresome job pays peanuts and expects us to take shit from every single person. No matter what, it’s always your fault. ALWAYS.. whenever something goes wrong, everyone will start pointing fingers at you and shirk responsibilities. Yes, even your boss. Don’t expect them to stand up for you esp when an appraisal is coming up.

One day, and i feel it’s coming pretty soon, one day… i’ll say “fuck u people, i’m off”

My meditation teacher asked why I’m taking in all these stress from work… why don’t I just leave.. even my meditation teacher asked me this question.

Till that day comes, i will learn to convert these negativity to improve and learn to let go of these fucking shit, the A, the 2 bosses, the clients (*some).

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The truth about happiness Part 1: Letting Go

Letting go is something that i’ve mentioned several times in this blog but it’s something that i struggle with. In the current job that i’m in, i’m basically at the bottom of the food chain where i have to make everyone happy- the management, my boss, my advisor, analysts, buy side, sell side, media… yes, that’s basically the whole finance industry.

Work has been especially tough for me this week as I just changed my portfolio of clients in January and Feb is most of the company’s full year.. which means this week has been and the next will be a hectic one for me. I’m glad i’m still surviving.

Anyway, I’ve been getting loads of criticism and scolding from my advisor, stress from the management and trying to meet several deadlines at once. I broke down today because I was really upset that I just kept getting scolded and shouted at non-stop even though i tried my best. Even though it was over.

After a prep talk, I realised that I should not let it affect me so much. In my line, i’m paid to be abused- verbally and mentally. However, I should learn to take a step back and not be too overwhelmed by the screaming and shouting. Why should I let my emotions run with them? When you are very emotionally charged, you cant think or rationalise properly. If the person screaming at you has some valid points, take in the useful suggestions and filter out the rest of the nasty stuff. Remain calm and cool.. don’t let them get into you. Detach yourself from the situation and analyse logically.

And because i decided to let go, i had a good afternoon and evening.

Because i chose to.

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On another note, my colleague ruiting is a constant inspiration to my path of finding happiness. She is a very cheerful and optimistic person, always psyching herself to look at the positive side. She laughs about her credit card debt, her neverending work load, her “three chins” (though i think she’s perfect the way she is). Her attitude stems from the simple fact that she is able to “let go”. Yes, these things do bother her, but she doesn’t let the negativity stay within her. Instead, she laughs off her problem and does whatever gugu stuff that goes through her head.

My path towards happiness continues….

“How are you?” asks Lana

For the first time in my life, I replied “Great!”

Yes, it’s great. I’m happy I finally made it to this step. For the past 24 years of my life (man.. or am i 25?), when someone asked “How are you?” i’m always replying.. “oookkkkk… here and there.”

I’m happy now. I’m happy that I’m happy. Are you?

I’ve always repeated “Happiness is a choice.. Choose to be happy.” In this period of my life… I finally understand what i’ve always been advising others but not truly understanding.