Today I indulged in….

Haven’t Met You Yet lyrics
Songwriters: Buble, Michael Steven; Chang, Alan; Foster, Amy;

I’m not surprised, not everything lasts
I’ve broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up, then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it’ll all turn out
You’ll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get
I just haven’t met you yet

I might have to wait, I’ll never give up
I guess it’s half timing, and the other half’s luck
Wherever you are, whenever it’s right
You’ll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

And somehow I know that it’ll all turn out
You’ll make me work, so we can work to work it out
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/m/michael-buble-lyrics/haven_t-met-you-yet-lyrics.html ]
And I promise you, kid, I give so much more than I get
I just haven’t met you yet

They say all’s fair
In love and war
But I won’t need to fight it
We’ll get it right and we’ll be united

And I know that we can be so amazing
And being in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility

And someday I know it’ll all turn out
And I’ll work to work it out
Promise you, kid, I’ll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get

Oh, you know it’ll all turn out
And you’ll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid to give so much more than I get
Yeah, I just haven’t met you yet

I just haven’t met you yet
Oh, promise you, kid
To give so much more than I get

I said love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love
(I just haven’t met you yet)
Love, love, love, love
Love, love
I just haven’t met you yet

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Proposed solution to love vs attachment

And I chanced upon part of the answer to my question that I posted earlier:

“Clinging to bodily form has 2 aspects. Most obviously, we cling to other people in our lives. Clinging is not the same as loving. It is not the same as caring for someone’s welfare and wanting that person to be happy. It is, rather, a jealous or obsessive possessiveness that seeks to own another person. We can all think of examples of husbands and wives who try to possess each other, or of friends who are so bossy and controlling that they strangle the friendship. Practicising generosity in human relationships mean trusting another person and allowing him or her to enjoy space and freedom and dignity.

Developing an attitude of not clinging requires, at first, that we spend a certain amount of time alone. Many of us cling to the experience of being with others out of fear of being lonely. But aloneness is not loneliness. Rather, it is the singleness that creates space for us to think, reflect, meditate, and free the mind from noise and attachment. As our greed, hatred, and delusion dimish throuh our solitary practice of mindfulness and meditation, we strength our ability to be with others without clinging. When the mind is at peace, we can be in company with many people without attachment and the suffering it brings.” – Bhante Henepola Gunaratana in “Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness”

A sign. I guess I’m meant to continue on my journey for answers.

6.00 a.m.

Today, I woke up at 6.00am and I couldn’t get back to sleep. As I lie awake, these thoughts played through my head.

1. Do not worry about tomorrow because you do not have control over that. Worry about whether you are making full use of today.

At that moment as I lay on the bed, I fully understood. There isn’t anything that I can do about the changes that are to come. If so, why not enjoy the day that I have today before it happens? Why don’t I just immerse myself in focusing on the positive, the things I have, rather than dwell on the things I don’t? Fact is, I am blessed.

I found my answer to the “crossroad” that my Meditation teacher said I would be experiencing, that has made me wary of what is to come:

“When we look at change head on, we may begin to see that it has an upside as well. We can count on the fact that whatever conditions exist in our lives will also change. Things may get worse. But they may also improve. Because of impermanence, we have the opportunity to learn, develop, grow, teach, memorize and make other positive changes, including practicing the Buddha’s path. If everything about us were set in concrete, none of these changes would be possible. The uneducated will remain uneducated. The poor and hungry would stay poor and hungry. We would have no chance to end our hatred, greed, or ignorance and their negative consequences. “– Bhante Henepola Gunaratana from “Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness”

I’ve started to doubt this thought on my way to work later though. Oh well, at least I understood it at that moment. It all starts with a spark of understanding.

2. Developing your mind

I’ve always been a whiney turt. I’ve always been obsessed with my own problems, wallowing in despair or unhappiness, as I torture myself thinking about my “problems”. Ask yuan, she knows that side of me and has been accepting me for who I was. Thank God. Hurhur. *hugs* She told me honestly she wanted to kill me back then when I was harping over some retard issue. Haha, better late than never.

Recently, however, I start to realise that problems exist only in your mind, only if you allow this thought to consume you.

“Eventually you will see that the real cause of problems is not life itself. It’s the commotion that mind makes about life that really causes problems.” – Michael Singer

It takes conscious effort to stop that harmful thought from arising in your mind. You begin by understanding that overwhelming yourself with this thought will not do any good. Try to stem that thought in your mind when you realise it is arising. Focus on something happier. It felt good when someone commented that I seem happier.

I have to work towards being more independent, be comfortable in my own skin, be less whiney (which i must say, i think i have improved quite a bit *pat on back* hurhur) and focusing on the positive.

3. Be less self involved and more concerned about others

When you stop focusing on yourself and be more concern about others, the following results.

“Your positive behaviour has generated 2 types of immediate results. The first is internal- how you feel. Since you have been consistently generous and loving and have reflected upon your acts of generosity and love, your mind is peaceful and happy. The second is external: other people appreciate you and care for you. While their caring is certainly pleasant, it is less important than how you feel. Since external effects are dependent on the response of others, they are less reliable.” – Bhante Henepola Gunaratana from “Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness”

Again, recently, I feel choose to let go of my problems and focus on realising how blessed I am. I make an effort to smile more and be more generous with my words.

As a result, I show concern for the people around me and I realise they open up to me more. The feeling that someone trusts you enough to share, feels good.

At the end of the day, there are benefits to being less self-involved and more concerned for others’ well-being… and because sometimes, you momentarily forget about your own problems.

4. Spread the happiness

When you try to be happy, spread this happiness around. Everyone has their issues and crosses to bear. It’s a matter of whether they choose to let you see that side of them. Why not spread the happiness, offer a smile or a joke to make this world a better place? Because everyone, I mean everyone, just wants to be happy.

5. Everyone has their issues

Yes you do too.

6. Learning to give and love unconditionally

Love vs attachment. This is something that I’m trying to understand and balance. Unconditional love means not expecting that the person reciprocates and doing everything you can to make the person happy. A lot of times though, as much as we hate to admit, we start forming expectations and when the person can’t meet it, we become disappointed. We start resenting and creating pressure on the person we initally wanted to be happy. It thus becomes a vicious cycle and a downward spiral begins. Accepting the person for who they are instead of wanting them to change… that’s something I’m still learning. I can’t provide more insights on this because I’m still trying to understand it myself. Do share, if you have some interesting thoughts. We can learn it together.

At the end of the day, life is a learning journey. What makes me excited and happy about life, is knowing that I am determined to be a better person that I was, yesterday.

To sum up:

” Life has its ups and downs, and we create them. This vehicle of ours- our mind-body combination- is full of difficult moments. The only thing that works, according to the Buddha’s teachings, is to find a way to improve the only instrument that has the power to make ourselves and the world happy. That instrument is our own mind.” – Bhante Henepola Gunaratana from “Eight Mindful Steps to Happiness”

Dear readers (I’m happily assuming I should put an “s” behind the word reader), shall we explore this together?

I wish I could google

I wish i could google about my life to know exactly what the future holds. This blog serves to remind me of the past, but what is to come? I feel the earth shifting under my feet and i’m struggling to balance. I’m struggling to hold on.

Where no one knows my name

“Boston”

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun…
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must’ve crossed… she said…
You don’t know me, you don’t even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don’t know me, and you don’t wear my chains… oh yeah,
Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you… they’re not the only ones who cry
When they see you
She said…
You don’t know me, you don’t even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don’t know me, and you don’t wear my chains… oh yeah,
She said I think I’ll go to Boston… I think I’ll start a new life,
I think I’ll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I’ll get out of California, I’m tired of the weather,
I think I’ll get a lover and fly him out to Spain…
Oh yeah and I think I’ll go to Boston,
I think that I’m just tired I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind…
I think I need a sunrise, I’m tired of the sunset,
I hear it’s nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice… oh yeah
You don’t know me, you don’t even care, oh yeah…
Boston… where no one knows my name… yeah
Where no one knows my name…
Where no one knows my name…
Boston…
No one knows my name.

Yu Yuan Yuan

Yes, this lady’s my bestie. Even though we do not call each other that often, I know I can count on her, wherever, whenever. She’s such a sweetheart and unknowingly, I must have done something right along the way to have her in my life. She was there for me when my mum wasn’t well, helping me to take care of my grandma when I was worried about my mum. Where else can I find such a wonderful sweetheart? I might not have been able to go to uni if it’s not for her selfless care and concern. She reads me like a book and knows all my “dirty little secrets”… trust me.. i cant even remember some of them.

Before she left on our lunch date, I asked:” Everything’s gonna be ok?” and she said “”Yes”.

So yes, everything is gonna be ok.

lub u, yuanie. You’re special.

Cherishing others

“Another reason for cherishing others is that it is the best method to solve our own and others’ problems. Problems, worry, pain, and unhappiness are types of mind; they are feelings and do not exist outside the mind.” – Geshe Kelsang Gyatso from Eight Steps to Happiness

The end of this work week marks the end of the dramatic A incident. He sent a nasty email on Tuesday highlighting 8 errors, of which 4 are commas or the lack thereof, the other 4 are about the usage of “in FY11 or for FY11” in my press release. I was so disturbed over the issue that I stayed in on Wednesday just to clear my mind. On Thursday, I received another nasty email and this time I was so irritated that I drafted a reply to him. Luckily though, my immediate boss stopped me in time. He promised to talk to A and express the frustrations I had with him.

Turns out, A was a lot more receptive than I thought he would be and told my immediate boss that he would not be that harsh towards me. I guess that was what I needed, for him to be aware of the stress that he has been giving me.

Point is, I realised had i stepped up to tell him that he was causing unnecessary stress, the problem would have been solved very early on. Instead, I let it simmer in me, making me a lot unhappier than I needed to be. The problem exists but it was aggravated when mixed with my feelings of injust and anger. A lot of wasted hours of stress and unhappiness.

Next time, it would probably be ideal if i can separate my problems from feelings. Approaching the problem with a calm and peaceful mind, together with good communication, will serve to solve the issue more efficiently.