So much to learn

There are so many areas that I would like to know more about that there just isn’t enough time.. I get so excited reading different topics that I skip around the books as I take notes of the interesting points raised. There are books on geography, economics, arts, how to present better, management consulting, how to be a good orator… etc..

It’s one thing to read, another to apply. The thing is, there are so many areas that I need to improve on… I wish I can do better….. Be more intelligent, be a better friend, be better at my job…

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The Joy of Reading

I love gaining new knowledge and that’s why I love reading. Knowing something new that I didn’t yesterday, makes me feel like the day was well spent.

I wanted a longer break so that I can spend my day at east coast, lying on a mat as read my book and feast on some delicious snack. That would be my idea of a perfect day =)

On another note, I’ve been reading another book on influence. It struck me that the objective of the book is to teach readers “how to play the game.”- how to create a good first impression, how can we assess the other person’s personality and structure your message to convince them easily. Ultimately, that’s life. It’s not the person with the most substance that gets the furthest. It’s the person who protray themselves in what society deem as desirable traits, such as confidence and eloquence, that gets the furthest. Work smart not hard.

Struggling

Changes. It’s constant. It’s inevitable. It’s unsettling.

Some days it’s bearable, some days it’s hard to put on a smile. I wish there will be good news ahead.

2013

2013 will be a year of changes.

There are many issues that I have to tackle in January but I hope it will lead to positive outcomes. Cross my fingers.

So, here’s to smooth sailing 2013. *raises glass*

Rocky end

Things haven’t been smooth sailing of late. There are so many things that I have to deal with both at home and at work. I try hard to seem strong and happy but its proving to be quite tough on this quiet night.

Someone needs to take on the leadership position at home. I find myself in the same position as 9 years ago- taking charge and trying to pull my mum out of the ditch. This time though, i’m fortunate enough to have my sisters chip in. Tonight, I had to take on my mum’s emotional burden, understand what was she trying to communicate, encourage my sisters to focus on the issues at hand then delegate responsibilities. Sounds easy, but trust me, it was emotionally tiring. My er jie loves to plan but takes a long time to act while my da jie has a strong character but loves to complain. I had to come up with a plan and convince them that this is the way to go. We will fulfill my mum’s wish list tomorrow… but the rest is up to her. We can pave the road but she still has to be the one to take the first step. I just hope she doesn’t screw up because I do not have an alternative plan and my sisters’ patience are running thin. Mine too.

As for work, I heard that my client wants to terminate our service. I had a hard time for 2 months when another client almost wanted to terminate our service. To my boss, the circumstances that led to it don’t matter. It’s the fact that we will lose revenue which drives her crazy. When I go back to work on 2 Jan, I know for certain that she will tear me down viciously. I will also have to play aunt agony to my immediate boss, listening to him as he relate to me about how much he has done and the stress that he is getting from the lady boss.

There are other health stuffies that I have to settle in January. I just hope they will give me time to look into it as the peak season is coming up.

I expect the emotional pressure will be high over the next few weeks.

I allowed myself to cry tonight. But tomorrow, I’ll stand back up and slowly fight against the powerful currents.

Block

I have this amazing ability to block unpleasant things out as part of my coping mechanism. Give me the day and I won’t be upset. Give me another 3 days and I’ll forget I had this issue.

So, for today, let me delight in this “ability” of mine:

Weird

I’ll just like to add that I have no idea why my company has the penchant for attracting these weird situations. Maybe Hollywood script writers should head to my office for inspiration. There’s no need to imagine. Just observe.

After all these, as I headed home, I prayed that the people in the train will be happy.

And now, I’ll pray that you will be happy too.

This, my friend, is called metta meditation, the meditation of loving-kindness. Let’s pass it on together.

Just enjoy sitting

“We can relearn how to sit, with the help of mind consciousness. Nelson Mandela, when he visited France, was asked by the press, “What would you like to do the most?” And he said, “Just sit down and do nothing. Since the time I was released from prison, I have been so busy- no time to sit and to just enjoy sitting.”

To sit and do nothing does not seem to be very easy, because vasana, habit energy, in this case the habit of running, has become very strong- we feel we should always be doing something, and that has become a habit. That’s why with the intervention of mind consciousness, with the insight that we can stop and begin to truly live our life, there is a possiblity that we can enjoy sitting and doing nothing. Just enjoy sitting! Allow your body to be peaceful, to be solid, to be free.

Sitting in peace is an art. When you are sitting in peace, it is as if you are sitting on a lotus flower. When you are not sitting in peace, it’s like sitting on glowing embers. It needs a little bit of training.

And let us leran how to walk- how to walk in such a way that we can enjoy every step, so that our projects, our fear will not remain an obstacle.

When we eat our breakfast, it’s an occassion to sit, to eat, and enjoy every morsel of our breakfast When we do our dishes, we can also be free, free from our projects and our worries, just enjoying washing the dishes. When you brush your teeth, enjoy brushing your teeth. While you put on your clothes, enjoy doing that. You are always with yourself, and you can enjoy every moment of your daily life. “

-Buddha Mind, Buddha Body by Thich Nhat Hanh

I’m beginning to enjoy the time alone and the slow walks. I’m trying to exercise more mindfulness in my daily activities which has helped me to become more at ease with myself. I look forward to a calmer and less careless me.

The power of words

Yesterday, the new hire of 3 weeks was fired. One of our clients casually commented 2 weeks earlier that he might not be suitable for the position. Clearly, the comment stayed with her. Instead of moving him to a different portfolio, my boss decided to let him go.

In another instance, my boss did not confirm another ex-colleague after the 3 month probation period. He has been pursuing his interest since Feb 2012 and still gets nightmares of my boss. Let’s just say it didn’t end on a pleasant note.

The power of words.

As we learn to be more discerning, we should be more careful about the words we utter.